I’ve decided that the best way to get through a difficult time is to write about it, to learn from it, and maybe try to educate people on it. This blog, although somewhat debilitaliting to write for, has opened a floodgate of emotions for me. Healing emotions, difficult emotions, amazing emotions.
This weekend, for some reason or another, I was truly struggling with my food thoughts. My own demon was coming out and suggesting to me that I prolong my eating, keep my breakfast/lunch under 200 calories, or to just not eat at all. The logical side of myself was screaming, “Oh, stop! You know you shouldn’t be doing this!” While the other part was just generally being a douchebag.
It gets to the point where you would much rather hide in your bed than face the demons in your head.
My mom picked up a book called, “8 Keys to Recovery from an Eating Disorder: Effective strategies from therapeutic practice and personal experience” by Carolyn Costin and Gwen Schubert Grabb. She said she read it already and she wanted me to start reading it.
I pretty much wept the entire time. You identify with the narrative in the book. I kept shaking my head and agreeing with what they were saying. “That’s me” was uttered over and over again.
Some recovery is any recovery.