Sometimes I feel like I should avoid relationships because of the fallout. That final, “I’m just doing other things” spurts out of his mouth and then you are left with this incomprehensible aching in your gut. The anxiety overwhelms you. Finally, you are curled up in a ball in the corner of your bed screaming that your life is over.
But is it? Of course not. This is one tiny hurdle in your life that you will overcome. This is one tiny fragment of life. You were around prior to this moment and you will survive long after this moment.
The truth of the matter is, is that you don’t need someone to be your own security blanket. Your security blanket should come from within yourself. That feeling of empowerment does not need to come out of the mouth of some schmuck. How do you feel empowered? I know I feel empowered when I go to the gym and pick up heavy things and put them back down again.
You might not feel whole right now, but you will. You can feel whole by yourself. You can feel whole in a crowded room filled with strangers. And you most certainly can feel whole when your boyfriend tells you that he just doesn’t have the time for you anymore.
It’s going to be OK.
The dating world is rough. Dating is like trying to find a diamond in the rough. When you finally catch that diamond, it stays shiny for a while and then it fades away. You’re on your own again looking for another diamond.
As an overweight person, I look at men on dating websites hoping that they will see me for who I really am and not the fat suit that I wear. After all, everyone is more than just their outer appearance. We’re pretty much all the same inside, but it’s the outside that morphs a bit.
Today on my quest, I started talking to this guy. We were having a really great conversation with flirting, but there was one problem about me:
It’s a real shame. You seem like such a good match, I mean.. like a really good match. You’re wicked cute, of course. The distance thing isn’t that big of a deal. But I’m really more attracted to athletic/fit girls. I just feel like, with how cute you are now, when you do lose all that weight you’ll be like the most attractive girl on here [okcupid]
Oh, hold on a moment. So, I would be the most attractive girl on OkCupid if I lost a lot of weight? Wait a second. I would be a 10 if I lost my weight? Let me get this straight, are all of my other amazing qualities worthless just because I’m overweight? Oh, that’s all right? Well, a big ol’ F-U to you then, sir.
I understand that we all have preferences for what we find to be attractive, but to basically tell me that he wouldn’t go out with me despite being such an incredible match because of my fatness is something that I will not tolerate.
I’m a “10″ right now. I was a “10″ six month ago. I will still will be a “10″ when I lose my weight.
And, by the way, I’ve lost almost 30 pounds.
I’m not necessarily a dating and body language connoisseur, but I’ve been on enough dates and watched enough episodes of Lie to Me to get the drift.
Did you know that 92% of how we communicate is through our body. That means that a whole 8% is on the words. A measly 8%. Who the heck wants to focus on the words when you could be getting some eye candy and finding out what they are truly saying?
Here are 5 tips on what to look for if they are into you, since, you know, this is the only thing I really look for when I’m going out on dates:
1. Which way is the body facing?
- Someone that is into you will have their body directly facing you. The head, the chest, the waist, legs, and even feet will be facing you. They might have their legs facing another way for comfort purposes, but generally speaking, if they are into you, they will be facing you.
2. Are the pupils dilated?
- When we see something that we find physically attractive, our pupils will automatically dilate. It’s an evolutionary response and I use it frequently when judging if my guy is into me. Did you know that you look more attractive to the people around you if your pupils are dilated? I say we just hang out in a dim lit bar all night!
3. Are they mirroring your every move?
- Monkey see, monkey do. If someone is cravin’ you, they will see your body language and try to do the same exact thing. You use your hands to try to explain your words? See if they do it, too. Did you notice that they just ran their hand through their hair after you did it? Well, goodness. Looks like he’s into you!
4. How close are they to you?
– This is a no brainer, but if someone digs you, they want to be as close as they possibly can. Notice if they are leaning closer to you whether sitting at a table or standing up at a bar. They want to close the gap between you guys and get cozy.
5. Are they touching you?
- The fool proof way to know that they are into you is if they touch you. No, no, not in the inappropriate way! That comes later, of course. I mean if you are talking at a table and they laugh at what you say and brush your arm. If they casually touch you. If they brush into you when walking past. Touch. Use it.
And I totally sound like a sex columnist. Cosmo, call me!
When you put yourself out there on the Internet, you are opening yourself up to criticism. I openly accept that and I know the backlash that I can get from people. I post on reddit and I have a few pictures up there. Nothing revealing. Nothing shame worthy. Just me. Just me being me. My pictures are exactly what I look like (or maybe they are even a bit more flattering than what I look like!)
I was hit today with complete hate. Hate that I am still wrapping my head around. Hate that I cannot even fathom that people can conjure up in their sick minds.
This is one message (out of the many) that was sent my way. For some bit of context, I was having a discussion about unwarranted comments with someone else. My username has the word “snuggle” in it, so that is why he brings it up:
thats because you dont know what its like to receive a compliment along those lines when your full time job is doing commercials for Michelin tires
I also just looked at your past posts. Am I not allowed to do that either? You could stand to lose a few pounds there hun. And it seems you just crave attention, and you’re angry that no one gave you attention.
I have noticed, from all my friends, that the overweight girls are the ones to get angry the easiest, and crave the most attention. At the bars, they are the ones talking shit about the guys who are hitting on the skinny good looking chicks, because they are jealous. Stop being fat jealous, seriously. You just make yourself look like a jackass.
Does anyone really “snuggle” with you? Or is it more like they are gasping for air? I picture someone snuggling with you, like a WWE Wrestler, in a submission hold, reaching for the ropes with all their might, like their lives were on the line.
I’m not even going to lie. I cried. I cried for what seemed like hours. I still tear up looking at it. To think that this person can hate me that much. To think that this person could just go out of their way to say such hurtful, atrocious, awful things to me.
Here’s another comment I received:
yeah..I wanted to see if you actually deserved a compliment too, but unfortunately you do not. I think I saw you in that movie Hairspray, you were John Travolta’s daughter right?
The truth of the matter is that this guy doesn’t know who I am. He has never met me. He has never spoken to me outside of reddit. He is judging me based off of some pictures I posted on the Internet. He doesn’t know what a good person I am. He doesn’t know that I have a family that loves me. He doesn’t know that my weight does not define who I am as a person.
But, damn, it is so difficult.
You walk into a cramped changing room and are inundated by mirrors catching you from every angle. The fluorescent lights beat down on your pale, half-naked body and you try to shove your thighs into a pair of pants that are probably a size too small. Beads of sweat drip down your forehead and you finally take that first glance in the mirror, “Wow, I look absolutely horrible.” I would argue that one of the most horrific examples of self-hatred is probably clothes shopping. How could it possibly make anyone feel better about themselves, especially for a fat person.
Granted, there are a ton of times when clothes shopping makes you feel amazing because you lost a boatload of weight, but majority of the time, I end up disliking myself more than I did when I actually walked in. It didn’t seem worth it. Go through all that hassle and end up empty handed and sporting a bad attitude.
I went clothes shopping two weeks ago and decided to end my relationship with the average department store. Solution: Why not try a place that is made for voluptuous women? Bingo! I shopped at Lane Bryant and I found great looking clothes and ended up feeling amazing (but probably because majority of the clothes were too big for me).
So, my message to curvacious ladies: Don’t give up the good fight! Find a place that is for you. You’ll feel more confident, beautiful, and ready to take on the world.
And that’s exactly what I mean.
I will admit that this blog has been collecting dust for far too long. The truth of the matter is, I’ve been fighting crime and kickin’ bad guys to the curb. Ok, wait, that isn’t even remotely true, but damn I wish it were.
In all seriousness, I have been finishing up my last semester at school and I have been swamped with work. If I’m not studying, I’m doing homework. If I’m not doing homework, I’m trying to catch up on my beauty sleep. A girl needs to sleep, OK?
So, the good news is that school is almost over and I am making it a goal to write in this blog and to be consistent with it.
I haven’t stopped thinking about this blog, though! I have a nice list of topics that I wanted to write about! Although, I’m going to bet that they are a little out dated now.
And that’s exactly what I mean.
We always hear about comedians throwing homophobic and racial jokes around. Granted, they were probably drunk, but it happens anyway. The next day, the media is all over the comedian’s ass about how rude and disrespectful the comedian was. The comedian releases a statement the next day and all is well in their eyes. You would think that the media would react the same way when Daniel Tosh started laughing at a woman potentially getting gang raped. Nope.
On Friday night at the Laugh Factory, comedian Daniel Tosh started making rape jokes. A woman in the audience felt her blood boiling and yelled, “Rape jokes are never funny!” Tosh looked at her in silence and then said to the audience, “Wouldn’t it be funny if that that girl [referring to the woman in the audience] got raped by, like, five guys right now? Like right now?” What, Daniel Tosh? What? The woman was so distraught that she got up and walked out of the room.
All the douche bags of the world unite! Some of Tosh’s fans are standing behind him, including the world’s biggest unfunny douche Dane Cook! Wahoo! Way to support the rape of women, guys!
Some people are claiming that you can make a joke out of anything because it makes the situation a little lighter. Granted, I agree that some things can be made a joke, but rape? No. Every two minutes, a woman is sexually assaulted. So, rape is a very real thing and happens to more women than we’d like to think. You think that is an appropriate “joke” to make?
To this I say, how is this even a joke, Tosh? It wasn’t a joke, it was an invitation. You made that woman a target for rape. You told your audience members that it would be funny if your fan, who paid good money to see you, were gang raped. You would think you would have a little bit more respect for women, let alone your fans.
The best part of this entire thing is that Tosh claims that he was “heckled” by the woman. Back up the train, unfunny man. You think that woman heckled you for calling you out on a clearly inappropriate joke? Gosh, I guess I should apologize on her behalf for being so insensitive and disrespectful to you during your show.
Not that I ever thought you were funny before, Tosh, now I just think you’re the biggest asshole on the planet.
And that’s exactly what I mean.
NINJA EDIT: I’ve been told that the woman who told of Tosh didn’t pay for the ticket and she had no idea who Tosh was. Ok, fine. He still said what he said and that doesn’t change my opinion on rape jokes or those who tell them.